Do you meet someone and the first stages of dating are great, but then find that you are incapable of allowing yourself to go beyond a certain point? Perhaps you find yourself using one or more of the following phrases: “I’m scared of how I’m feeling” or, “I’ve built these walls around myself.”

While it’s good to be cautious – especially in today’s society – relationships ultimately come down to learning to trust our emotions and our significant other.

“We know from abundant research that it’s virtually impossible to ‘unlearn’ a response,” said Dr. Simon. “And when something traumatizes us, it can leave a significant mark. So, it’s not surprising or uncommon that people experience a level of guardedness as self-protection against possible heartbreak.” However, with some work you can be on your way to opening your heart to infinite possibilities.

First, let’s take a look at some common reasons Some common reasons why people shut down their ability to trust and, consequently, their opportunity to enjoy deep and meaningful relationships. These can include people who have:

• Been emotionally hurt in the past and are not open to getting hurt again.
• Went through an especially difficult divorce or the end of a relationship and have difficulty believing in someone who is willing to offer a new, committed relationship.
• Been raised in an environment that was physically or emotionally volatile.
• Have low self-esteem and cannot believe they deserve the attention, care or concern of another.
• Experienced the loss of a loved one through death and are still caught up the grief to such an extent that they can’t open themselves up to others.

As a reminder of what life looks like when trust becomes a part of it, here are some snapshots of how your life might change. With trust, you will have the ability to:

• Let others into your life so that you and they can create a relationship built on an understanding of mutual respect, caring and concern to assist one another in growing and maturing independently.
• Open yourself up to let others in on your background, problems, concerns and mistakes with the assurance that they will not judge you.
• Place yourself in the vulnerable position of relying on others to treat you in a fair, open and honest way.

For those that have problems with trust and therefore letting people get too close, these benefits sound pretty good. So, how do you get there? “Over time, especially if you give some deliberate attention to the fact that you want to trust and open yourself up again, you can lessen the degree of your apprehensiveness,” says Dr. Simon. “You can also monitor your own thoughts and behavior for indications that you are letting your apprehensions cloud your better judgment. Eventually, you’ll find good reason to shed any unwarranted defensive armor.”

There are several behavioral traits that an individual needs in order to develop trust, and you may wish to seek a professional counselor to work through personal issues.

• Be open. This allows you to become a real person to others. It is an essential behavior in trust-building between two people because it establishes the strengths and weaknesses that you can draw on as the relationship develops.
• Vulnerability. True, being vulnerable can open you up to being hurt, but it is an important step in trust-building between people. It’s a gamble, but dare to believe that others will accept you for who you really are rather than whom they want you to be.
• Try to let go of fear. Simply put, fear restricts your actions with others. Letting go frees the constraints that can put your emotions on ice. Think of the fears holding you back: fear of failure, of caring, of being hurt, of intimacy, of success. These fears (and others) block the development of trust in relationships and can prohibit relationships from growing if not addressed.
• Self-acceptance. Accepting who you are and your potential is an important step in letting your guard down enough to develop a trusting relationship with others. Self-acceptance through self-affirmation and self-love is a key to the development of trust.

Do not hesitate to seek professional assistance if needed. “A counselor can help share your fears and concerns,” says Dr. Simon. “Together, you can devise strategies to help you spot and modify any anxiety-fueled behaviors that pose an obstacle to enjoying the kind of relationship you’ve always wanted.”