Even when their dating prototype is clearly broken, some people keep coming back to the same basic model of person, hoping this guy or girl will be different. If you have a weakness for one of the following types, however, it might be time to rethink your dating criteria.
The Commitment Coward
Your current love interest is theoretically a great catch. Just one problem: He or she has absolutely no interest in being “caught.” Such people tend to view commitment as a trap — rather than an opportunity for personal growth and meaningful connection. This paradigm shift is hard to force on someone else. And while some people are only phobic about marriage, others are scared of any relationship commitment.
Breaking the Habit:
Write down your personal five-year plan. You cannot totally control when love enters your life, but you should have a tentative game plan for your priorities. If you would like to settle down and/or start a family within the next five years, dating someone who is petrified of commitment isn’t likely to fit with your plan.
Pretty … and Pretty Dull
You tend to select partners basely largely on their physical merits. A few months into the relationship, though, you may find you are already bored with the person. He or she may not be on your wavelength or perhaps you simply don’t have anything in common. A trophy may look lovely on your mantel (or on your arm), but meaningful dialogue and connection with a trophy is nearly impossible.
Breaking the Habit:
If you are prone to look only skin deep, ask a close friend to set you up with someone they think is a good fit for you. Or, consider using an online dating service that screens couples for compatibility. Even if you don’t find your soul mate this way, these processes may help you rethink the dating standards you are currently using.
All Charisma, No Character
You know the type … he or she mesmerizes the entire room and could pull off a conversation with a sofa. If the person doesn’t have any kind of moral compass, however, it’s just a cheap party trick. Charm can be blinding so make sure you can see through to the person’s true nature.
Breaking the Habit: Write a list of character traits you admire. To the right of these qualities, jot down how each of these attributes is an asset in a romantic relationship. For example, Trustworthiness > I don’t have to constantly worry about where my partner is and who he/she is spending time with.
The Working Dead
When it comes to responsibility, this person might as well be a zombie. Plenty of good people fall on hard times. However, that person should also have sufficient drive to pick him/herself back up again. If the person regularly shirks employment or housework, proceed cautiously. Financial stress can take a toll on a relationship as can constantly nagging your partner to help with chores.
Breaking the Habit:
Elect only to date people with a strong work ethic. It isn’t about material goods or wealth—it’s about finding a true partner in life, one who is willing to help shoulder the load. If the person has a legitimate reason for not being able to work, look for equivalent levels of discipline in other areas of his or her life.
The Weak-of-Will
People don’t necessarily keep promises to their mate because of how they feel about their mate. In fact, studies have found that self-control and conscientiousness are better predictors. That is to say, people do not uphold relationship promises because those people are more “in love” than other couples. People keep their word in relationships when they are people of their word in general — and have sufficient self-control to regulate their behavior.
Breaking the Habit:
Consider your network of friends and who people you have dated in the past. What qualities do these individuals have in common? If considerateness and self-control rank pretty low on the list, you might rethink how and where you meet people. You may also need to work on some of your own habits. If “like attracts like,” being responsible will make you more attractive to other responsible people. Think twice before dating anyone with a known (and lengthy) track record of infidelity. People can change their behavior, but are not likely to do so unless there is a compelling motivation. Ideally, that conviction and commitment will be self-motivated.
Everyone has flaws, but people are often drawn to partners with very specific defects. Take a step back and consider your taste in a partner more objectively. Drag your dating criteria into the light and, if needed, ask the opinion of a trusted friend or family member. While character issues and incompatibilities can sometimes be overcome, nothing can top choosing a partner who is cut from good raw material.