When one spouse proposes marriage counseling, the other spouse rarely responds with an enthusiastic, “Let’s do it! Sounds like fun!” A more likely response is one of the following…

Avoidance
When you mention marriage counseling, does your spouse quickly change the subject? Or, perhaps he/she downplays the problems in your relationship. We’re not doing so bad. Everything’s fine. Maybe we should go away for the weekend…

Objections
Does your spouse actively protest going to counseling? He/she may have a lineup of specific arguments: Counseling doesn’t work. We can’t afford it. Or perhaps he/she simply refuses to go. I don’t want to. I’m not about to talk about our private matters with a total stranger.

Promises
Your spouse may be willing to admit there are problems in your relationship. But he or she may insist that the two of you can fix those problems without any outside help. Your spouse may pledge to change his or her behavior. I’ll try harder. I won’t drink anymore. I won’t see him ever again. I’ll be more helpful/sympathetic/responsible/communicative/etc. Unfortunately, these promises often go unfulfilled. Serious, recurring relationship problems usually don’t go away without a disciplined effort.

Postponement
Your spouse may agree to attend counseling. But when it comes time to actually go, your spouse is nowhere to be found. I have to work late again. Things are just too hectic right now. Maybe next week…

Talking through personal problems—particularly with a stranger—makes many people feel emotionally exposed. And some people will do just about anything to avoid this particular form of exposure.

Marriage counseling is simply a structured way to get to know your spouse better and work through any conflicts. But for those who are still frightened of counseling—or who would simply prefer a different approach—marriage and relationship education (MRE) could be the solution.

MRE: A Different Approach

Your spouse may appreciate having an alternative to marriage counseling but may not be familiar with marriage and relationship education (MRE). Essentially, MRE teaches skills, attitudes and behaviors to help individuals and couples achieve long-lasting, successful marriages and intimate partner relationships.

Unlike counseling, MRE is typically offered in a group format with other couples and individuals. This often results in reduced costs (some classes are even free!).

Since MRE is focused on building relationship skills (e.g., good communication) rather than on individual or couple issues (e.g., your mother issues), it can also feel less threatening. MRE is focused on preventing relationship problems rather than processing through old arguments or experiences. You aren’t being individually “called out” on your behavior. Instead, you—and everyone else in the class—are being taught valuable and universally-applicable relationship skills.

MRE workshops are often less intimidating by sheer virtue of where they are located. While a therapist’s couch may feel like unfamiliar terrain, most people are used to, and comfortable in, a classroom environment.

While MRE focuses on building healthy relationship skills in general, these skills may ultimately help with you address your specific relationship issues. Positive strides in communication and other core relationship skills have a way of spilling over into other areas of your life. If you can talk through anything, you can work through anything.

People’s fears about marriage counseling are often overblown. But for couples who can’t get around the phobia—but want a better quality relationship—MRE is a great resource. MRE workshops are available across the country, often at little to no cost.

Relationships—as with most everything worthwhile in life—cost something. The investment requires our time, our emotions, and our commitment.

Most of us would not hesitate to take advantage of any sound investment advice or financial resources available to us. But we often hesitate when it comes to leveraging the equivalent resources to protect our investment in our marriage. MRE is a low-risk, high-reward way to help safeguard one of your most important assets—your marriage.