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Many divorced parents are faced with the reality of divided time with their children. Arrangements range from weekend visitation to splitting time with each parent right down the middle. Often this creates problems between the two homes: one parent is strict and the other is lenient; one parent is trying to fill the role of both mother and father; or going to one parent’s home is like going on a vacation. Sometimes parents refuse to work together for the good of the children out of spite for each other. This sets up an environment of competition, guilt and resentment, according to a stepfamily expert, Elizabeth Einstein.

How can divorced parents work for the best interest of their children? First, they must put their issues aside. It is helpful if:

• A joint parenting plan is completed by both parents and there is agreement on expectations and limits so that the child can’t manipulate the parents depending on where the child is at the time.
• Work together as a team to provide consistency for the children.
• Agree not to degrade or talk negatively about the child’s other parent even though there may still be unresolved issues and anger.
• Allow the children to talk about their feelings while listening and comforting them as they also are going through a very difficult time.
• Try to make home as normal a place as possible.

When it is your time with the children, have a plan in place for how you will spend the time. Remember to make sure it is not necessarily all fun and games, but give them the freedom to learn and get to know you better, just as they would if they lived with you all the time. It is important that the relationship between parent and child does not only become one of playmate, peer or buddy, when visitation time comes, but one of bonding between parent and child.

Mentally prepare yourself for the visitation, and do not expect your children to be cheerful and happy all the time. They are going through adjustments that will affect them for the rest of their lives.

Remember, no one is perfect. Do the best you know how to do. Work with your children to establish new traditions. Stick to the agreements you made in the joint parenting plan with your former spouse, and, above all, be consistent during the special times you have with your children.