Dating Financial Etiquette … Who Pays?
So, you’re on a date with your newfound love interest and at the end of a lovely dinner, you’re left wondering—who should pay? This is a common dilemma faced by many dating couples. In this day and age, in can be difficult to decide what is appropriate. Every individual has a different take on how dating expenses should be handled. Though it may be awkward to address it, the only way to eliminate any misconceptions is simple: talk about it.
Recognizing that talking about “who pays” may be easier said than done, here are some issues to consider:
- The occasion. You can expect to pay if you are celebrating his/her birthday or a special achievement.
- The “asker.” Whoever initiated the date or selected the activity should be able to afford covering the expense for both people. It is commonplace for the man to pay for the first date; however, if the woman is doing the asking, this “rule of thumb” should not be assumed.
- The intention. Some people may choose to pay as a way to show their interest in pursuing a relationship with someone, prove they have financial resources, or demonstrate respect or appreciation for their date.
- Your finances. Make sure you stay within your means when planning a date. Consider that renting movies and cooking a homemade dish can be just as thoughtful as an expensive dinner and a movie. You shouldn’t spend more money than you can afford for the sake of impressing your date.
- Equity. It is polite to offer to split the bill, or volunteer to pay the next time as a way to show appreciation for the times your partner has treated you. No one should be expected to foot the bill every time.
- Expectations. Expectations are a huge part of dating. Dating often serves as a “trial period” to evaluate a potential relationship together. Know your needs and expectations and stay true to them.
Don’t be a mind-reader and try not to make any assumptions about what your date may be thinking. If you are initiating the date, make sure to clearly indicate your intentions to you partner (e.g., “I’d like to take you out to dinner” or “Can I treat you to a movie?”) If you have been asked out, you may start the conversation about who will be paying by offering to contribute something to the date (e.g., “Let me pay for drinks” or “The movie will be on me!”) This will allow you to avoid a potentially awkward moment when the bill arrives. Know yourself and your expectations. Also know that in any circumstance, you should always be prepared to pay. It is ideal to talk about “who pays” ahead of time. If you can make this part of the discussion about date logistics (date, time and location) you can relax and enjoy your date.