Respect is love in plain clothes.

– Frankie Byrne

Toxic relationships threaten, damage or even destroy those involved in them. In most areas of our life, toxic relationships are easy to spot … and avoid. We tend to dislike and avoid toxic people.

When it comes to romance, however, feelings of desire and euphoria can sometimes mask the more hazardous aspects of a relationship. Love is not only blind; it can also be blinding. If you want to have a healthy relationship, however, you need to be able to view your relationship clearly and objectively.

Relationships are about loving, respecting and supporting each other. If you find yourself being ridiculed, manipulated, or otherwise mistreated, you may be in an unhealthy relationship. Here are some behaviors to be wary of:

• Chronic or explosive anger
  Every couple fights—this is natural and not inherently damaging. The manner in which you argue, however, is important. Even during your worst arguments, you should never resort to name-calling or insults. Screaming is generally counterproductive and can be a form of intimidation. And if your arguments escalate to a point that they become physical—breaking objects, punching walls etc.—your relationship definitely is not healthy.
   
• Verbal abuse or humiliation
  Does your significant other criticize or belittle you?  Does he or she crack jokes at your expense, yell at you, or embarrass you—in private or in front of others?  A healthy relationship focuses on the happiness and well-being of each other, not humiliation and degradation.
   
• Unmanaged addiction
  The nature of addiction often prompts the addict to act against his/her self-interest, in the form of health risks, questionable judgment or illegal activity. By doing so, the addict also fails to act in the best interest of his/her partner. No matter how well-intentioned your partner may be, addiction often drives people to incredibly dangerous and selfish behaviors. Addiction is not restricted to just drugs or alcohol; addiction to sex, gambling, food, or pornography can also have negative effects on intimate relationships. If your partner is an addict and is unwilling or unable to control his/her addiction, your relationship and possibly your safety are in serious jeopardy.
   
• Extreme or irrational jealousy
  Does your partner constantly demand an account of your whereabouts and cross-examine you when you get home? Is he or she irrationally jealous? If you have a history of betraying or lying to your partner, he or she may (understandably) be a little reluctant to trust you again. However, if there is no logical basis for your partner’s jealousy, he or she may simply be possessive or controlling.
   
• Manipulation
  Does your partner twist words or situations to his/her advantage? Does your significant other use the silent treatment when he/she doesn’t get their way? Perhaps they withhold affection or intimacy? Manipulation comes in many forms, but regardless of the method, it is fundamentally unfair.
   
• Control
  Does your partner try to control where you are, what you do, who you speak to, or how you dress?  Controlling behavior is expressed in a number of ways, but its goal is to eliminate your ability to choose. This behavior will leave you powerless and fearfully dependent, if it continues.
   
• Isolation
  If you find your partner asking you to constantly cancel plans with friends or family members in order to spend time with him/her, they may be deliberately trying to alienate you from others. Healthy relationships should include your friends and family. You should never allow yourself to be isolated completely from the people who love and care about you.
   
• Physical or sexual abuse
  Many of the factors described above—jealousy, controlling behavior, verbal
  abuse and threats—also put your relationship at higher risk of physical abuse.
  Even if your partner hasn’t become physically violent yet, such behaviors are warning signals that violence could develop.

  Abuse is never, ever, ever OK—no matter how much you love your partner, no matter how much you think he or she loves you. In abusive situations, you may feel like there is no way out … but there is. If you are in an abusive relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE to be connected with help in your area.

People in unhealthy relationships often assert that, despite all appearances to the contrary, his/her partner really loves them. "He doesn’t mean it when he hits me." "She only says those things because she feels so passionately about me." But true love doesn’t masquerade as anything else—certainly not abuse, cruelty, or manipulation.

True love dresses itself simply, truthfully. It does not distort, it does not conceal. It is cut from the fabric of respect. Listen to your instincts. If you feel fearful, tense or intimated around your significant other, your relationship is most likely an unhealthy one.