The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

— Theodore Hesburgh

It is easy to lose your passion for your partner when your time and energy are consumed with raising children.

Kids can sap the life out of parents and parents’ relationship with each other. By the end of the day, one or both of you may feel exhausted and drained and have no desire to be intimate or even talk to each other.

While such a scenario is common and understandable, it is something couples must work against.

One of the best things you can provide for your child is a safe, loving, committed family. Keeping your relationship with your partner strong is an essential part of that effort.

Planned Spontaneity

You may no longer have time and energy for spontaneous acts or evenings, but there are other solutions.

One option is to set aside some time to be together. Depending on your situation, the time can range from a couple of hours to several days. Use the time to have fun together the way you used to before you had children.

Get someone you trust to watch your kids and take an evening or a weekend away to focus on your partner and your relationship. If you only have a few hours away, use that time to talk or have fun together. Then continue the evening after the kids go to bed.

If you don’t have trusted family nearby, consider a tradeoff with another couple. Offer to watch their children for an evening in exchange for them watching yours a different evening.

If that’s not an option, you might need to be more creative. Consider creating a romantic evening after the kids go to bed. Or set your alarm early and spend some time together before you start your day. If you work near your partner, consider setting aside a time to meet for lunch and stay connected.

Focus on Fun

The day-to-day business of paying bills, keeping up with the kids’ activities and deciding how to discipline the children when they step out of line is important. But do your best to not talk about those things on your date night or special time to focus on your relationship. It is just as important that you keep the fun and friendship alive.

You can talk about the business part of the relationship any time. When you set aside time for fun and reconnecting emotionally, keep the conversations focused on the two of you.

Think Happy Thoughts

While you want to keep the conversation focused on your relationship, keep it positive. Instead of discussing problems in your relationship and things you believe your partner is doing wrong, talk about what your partner is doing right.

You’ve probably spent much of your time early in your relationship talking about the future: your dreams, your hopes, your plans. Much of that may have changed over time. Use your time together to rediscover your partner. How have the ideas changed? What does the future look like now? What do you need to do to get to that point? What are your partner’s cares and interests today? What can you do to support or encourage your partner in those interests?

By recharging and strengthening your relationship, you will have more strength and energy for your children.