It’s easy to be creative when dating or even through the early years of marriage, but when the kids arrive and life becomes a series of parent-teacher meetings, soccer games, and tutoring sessions, parents become frazzled. Husbands and wives admit they are lucky to just make it through the day, and if both parties work forget about any real quality time!

This can be the start of trouble for even the strongest of marriages. Marriage therapist and author Dr. Willard Harley has found through his years of experience working with couples that “As soon as most couples marry, and especially when children arrive, couples usually replace their time together with activities of lesser importance…but time alone with each other should still remain your highest priority. It is essential to spend time away from children and friends to meet the emotional needs of affection, conversation, companionship and sexual fulfillment of each other.” If married couples don’t find a way to stay connected through all seasons of their lives, they can easily wake up at some point and feel disconnected from each other, and for many couples it is difficult to find a way back to one another once this has occurred.

If you have little time, lots of time, are short on cash or not….REDBOOK magazine’s book 500 Great Dates has ideas for you! So put the kids to bed, save up for a babysitter, or beg the grandparents for a sleepover — here are some great ways to spend some time with the person you love, to rediscover, talk, laugh and enjoy each other.

• Turn movie night into a mini-vacation by matching the menu to the movie: Italian family drama? Share a big bowl of spaghetti. Kung Fu action flick? Order some spicy noodles at your local Chinese restaurant.

   

• Try brunch and matinee. High-end restaurants are more affordable at lunch and matinees often have a cheaper price tag as well.

   

• Go for an all-day hike. Check out trails.com for a listing of hiking treks close to your town.

   

• Work out together. It will feel less like a chore and more like a ‘we’re-in-this-together’ moment when you cheer each other along.

   

• Visit a museum or a weird, wild exhibit or festival. Check out museumspot.com and http://www.sillyamerica.com to find something that you’ll both be interested in.

   

• Spend an afternoon test-driving cars, viewing model homes, or window shopping. Even if you have no interest in making purchase, these activities can kick-start discussions about future goals.

   

• Have a gourmet picnic. Cruise the aisles of your supermarket and load your cart with whatever delights you can find: lobster salad, fine chocolate, wine, gourmet crackers and cheese, etc.

   

• Rent a rowboat for a do-it-yourself cruise and dinner. Keep your drinks cold by tying a rope around the bottle need or using a net to carry it, and trialing it behind you in the water as you head for the middle of the lake. Pack a blanket, lie back and wait for the stars to appear.

   

• Have a picture-perfect night. Take a camera with you and at different points on your night out, ask people to take your photo. It’s fun and it can be illuminating to look back over them over time.

   

• Head to your local department store and challenge each other to come up with the most romantic intimate gift possible. Two rules: It can’t cost more than $20, and it must be used that night.

500 Great Dates even has speed dating ideas when time is really at a premium:

• Plan on having breakfast or a wake-up coffee together once a week together at a local diner. The fact that you make it your own date place makes it feel special.

   

• Make a phone date to talk for 15 minutes. This is different from calling to remind him or her to pick up milk on the way home. Make sure you are in a space where there are no distractions so you can give each other your full attention.

   

• Enjoy a mini-date. Grab a half hour for lunch or a quick cocktail or coffee together after work.

The importance of date night is a continuing theme with successful married couples. In a recent project sponsored by the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative, couples were asked the secret of their successful marriages when faced with particularly stressful life circumstances. Unanimously — and without any prompting — these couples (married anywhere from 10 to 71 years) all said — date night.

“Every Monday regardless of what was going on with our critically ill son, we would always go on date night. It gave us time to talk…make sure we were okay. If we hadn’t stayed so connected, I don’t know how our marriage would have held up when he died.” – LeeAnne and Renzi

“We called it ‘date night’ and our boys hated it! Sometimes we went to dinner and sometimes we just went for a walk in the park but we always honored date night. Now our boys are grown up and married with kids of their own. The tables have turned and it’s their kids who hate date night — it’s funny but now they understand.” – Tom and Connie