Vampires are everywhere lately. And apparently they are really sexy to some women.
Forget princes. Based on what Hollywood is cranking out these days, women seem more eager to be swept off their feet by a blood-sucking creature of the night.
It seems as though Prince Charming has evolved into a deeply troubled, brooding loner with a deep dark secret that he can only trust with you, his only hope for true love. Oh yeah, and he is a monster—literally.
Throughout history, some women have had a soft spot for bad boys. However, romantic leads have rarely been depicted as actual monsters.
In fairness, most of these Hollywood creations are civilized beasts. They do show some level of restraint. But our cultural fixation with these characters begs the question of what women value in relationships.
Does a man have to be “dark” to be deep? Does he have to be vaguely threatening to be interesting? Below we explore what fuels our preoccupation with vampires and other anti-heroes as romantic figures.
Menace and the Bad Boy Mystique
The Bad Boy with the heart of gold is a dangerous cliché. But the Bad Boy who has the power to destroy you (but out of his great love for you, somehow manages to refrain) is even worse. Healthy relationships are not marked by fear; they are marked by feeling tantalizingly safe in your partner’s presence. As Gina Barreca, PhD, puts it: “Girls, remember that if you're the lamb and he's the lion, you may lie down together, but you're still an entree.”
Romanticizing Depression
Hollywood vampires are sad—often beautifully so. But in the real world, sullen people can be a lot less appealing. Don’t confuse moodiness for true emotional substance—the two are not always connected. And a person battling depression can get locked in his own head to the extent that he is unable to focus on either you or the relationship.
Forbidden Love
The vampire allure is somewhat understandable: the taboo of forbidden love can be attractive. Helen Fisher, a professor at Rutgers University, refers to this as “frustration attraction.” After all, mortals and monsters aren’t supposed to mingle, much less fall in love. "When you can't get somebody,” Fisher notes, “the dopamine system keeps on cooking, giving you the focus and motivation to keep trying." So paradoxically, it can feel good to be thwarted. But what provides an initial shot of dopamine may not be what keeps us happy over time.
Sublimated Sexuality
There are rather obvious sexual undertones in vampire mythology. The metaphors that accompany this genre tie to Jungian theory—that we can’t always reconcile certain “shadowy” aspects of ourselves, including our sexuality. Particularly for adolescents, vampires may represent a (thinly) veiled attempt to channel emerging sexual interests into a more symbolic form.
The Rescuer Role
There is also something very attractive in thinking you can rescue someone. Believing that you are the only person who possesses the ability to soothe a tortured soul can be intoxicating. In real life, even the best partners have plenty of faults … no need to deliberately seek out the most damaged, alienated ones. Working through issues with the one you love is hard work—not a romantic rush. And no matter how valiant your efforts, you cannot singlehandedly rescue a seriously damaged partner.
A Cautionary Tale
Art often imitates life—and that’s what makes the current vampire fixation a little scary. Merely watching or reading vampire stories may be harmless. But allowing these tainted heroes to become our new romantic ideal can damage our concept of a healthy relationship. We all know that Prince Charming only exists in a fairytale. But we don’t have to settle for a monster—we can aspire to a mate who is utterly and enthrallingly human.