Somewhere a girl sits, forlorn, in a field of wildflowers. She plucks petal after petal: He loves me, He loves me not. By the time we enter adulthood, we’ve usually outgrown this childhood device for determining true love. But as men and women, we often still struggle to figure out who likes us and how much.

Not so good at reading the significance behind flower petals, tea leaves or tarot cards? Here are some more obvious signals that the person is truly into you:

Before You Are Dating

Most people aren’t that subtle. If someone is truly interested, he/she will let you know—one way or another. But relationship dynamics can be complicated sometimes: With friends or co-workers, people are more apt to take it slow to avoid jeopardizing the relationship. And some people are naturally timid or cautious. While not all relationships take the most direct route, here are some signs that a relationship might be headed somewhere:

• Playful banter or teasing
  Sure, it’s a little junior high. But if the guy or girl you have your eye on seems to enjoy ribbing you, a crush may be developing. The teasing, however, should always be good-spirited. Put-downs indicate disrespect, not affection.
• Enhanced recall
  Does he/she remember little details you’ve previously shared about yourself—books or movies you like, your hobbies, etc.? People tend to tune in when there’s potential to get clues for winning you over.
• Attentive body language
  When someone likes you, it typically manifests in their physical interactions. The problem is, people signal attraction in different ways. If someone is interested in you, you may spot them watching you on the sly. When you catch them in the act, their reactions may vary: Shy guys or girls may avert their eyes; assertive types may stare back. Smiling, touching and fidgeting with clothes or hair may suggest attraction. If the person leans toward you that’s also a good sign.
• Focused flirting
  Discerning flirtatiousness from friendliness can be challenging. And even if the person is obviously flirting with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything—he or she may flirt with lots of people. A better determinant is how he/she interacts with you in comparison to how he/she engages with others.
• Awkward lingering
  Bold personalities may bulldoze their way to you and camp out until driven away. But reserved types may flutter about awkwardly. If he/she seems reluctant to leave your side, but doesn’t seem entirely comfortable there either, it’s possible he/she is crushing on you. Watch for “tells” like flushing, sweating, or stammering.

Still unclear where you stand with a prospective dating partner? Sometimes, the only way to find out for sure is to ask. Bite the bullet: ask the person out on a date or tell him/her you are interested.

After You Are Dating

• He/she wants to spend time with you
  We prioritize the people we love. That’s not to say your partner should neglect his/her job, family or responsibilities to be with you. But if your partner is truly into you, he or she will find creative ways to work you into his/her schedule.
• He/she treats you with respect
  Love does not demean or degrade. When you care about someone, you want to affirm and protect that person, not tear him/her down. Disrespect may be communicated through insults, cruelty, or physical or emotional abuse.
• He/she is willing to commit
  Relationships shouldn’t be rushed; you want your partner to fall in love with the real you. But once your partner has gained a clear understanding of who you are, he/she should be able to make an informed decision about whether there’s potential for a long-term relationship or marriage. Try to avoid issuing ultimatums, but don’t get stuck in relationship limbo indefinitely.
• He/she wants to know more about you
  You don’t learn everything about a person on the first, second or even fifteenth date. While your partner may not ask an unending stream of questions, he/she should seem truly interested in understanding who you are.

When deciding the fate of a relationship, the arbitrary plucking of petals just doesn’t cut it. Real relationships require more concrete “proofs” of affection. Sometimes we misinterpret signals. And sometimes people deliberately give mixed messages or play games. But if a love is true, it will eventually lead to action—telling the person how you feel, asking him/her out and treating the person well once you’re together.