The amount of time you should wait for a proposal isn’t an easy answer. Each couple and relationship is unique. There are, however, some key aspects of a relationship that indicate you may be ready. These include maturity, shared goals for your future, feeling safe together, being able to talk about anything, mutual trust and respect. If these features are alive and well in your relationship, then getting engaged may just be a matter of timing.
Talk about marriage
Upon starting a committed relationship, you should have a fairly good idea of what your boyfriend thinks about marriage. Does he see himself being married someday? The first step is to keep an open dialogue from early on in your relationship about each of your expectations regarding marriage. Discuss the ways that marriage can benefit your relationship and any future children you may have. If you can’t talk openly about getting engaged or being married, your relationship probably isn’t ready.
Identify any underlying issues
So you’re wondering – what’s the hold up? He may give you a variety of reasons why he feels the relationship is just not ready for the next step. Concerns such as not having enough money for a wedding or not being done with school may be alleviated with some compromise. For example, you can brainstorm ways you can set money aside for wedding expenses or resolve that a proposal will come once one or both of you are out of school. If his concerns include incompatibility issues (e.g., one of you wants kids and the other doesn’t, different values, etc.), then you may need to evaluate whether or not you and your boyfriend are a good match. Knowing why marriage is important to you and understanding his hesitations are essential to a strong future relationship.
Evaluate your expectations
If you are to the point where you are asking how long you should wait, it might be an indication that your expectations are not being met. Even though you may feel ready for the next step, avoid giving him an ultimatum. Marriage is a big commitment – one that both partners need to be mature enough to make. Decide what’s reasonable for you and be realistic with yourself. Do you feel he will never be willing to settle down? Are you willing to wait a while longer to get engaged? Only you know what’s right for you.
Be cautious of marriage alternatives. If marriage is important to you, then don’t settle for a relationship that may never result in marriage. Sometimes couples find themselves living together unmarried and having children without making intentional decisions regarding their future together. These scenarios often lead to challenges in terms of relationship and family dynamics.
Who says YOU can’t pop the question?
There are no rules about proposals these days. If you know this person inside and out and your relationship is strong and healthy, why not do the asking yourself? At the very least, you may spark a discussion about your marriage expectations and open the door for communication on the topic.
If you are concerned about when you can expect a marriage proposal, speak up and let your partner know. There is no set time limit – some proposals happen quickly while others are years in the making. Your age, life stage, dating experience, etc. all play a role in your readiness to be engaged and eventually get married. Remember getting engaged isn’t about planning a wedding. It is a time for a couple to plan a life together – that includes combining families, finances and creating a shared future.