Princess CultureThe world is awash in hot pink, tulle and tiaras.

No matter where you turn—from the box office to the home décor aisle—a sea of ‘princess’ paraphernalia is waiting to engulf our daughters … and your wallet.

It’s more than a marketing trend. It’s a cultural phenomenon. And it’s an understandable one in a world where some of us can afford things more than we can afford time. When it comes to making our daughters feel like princesses, we sometimes substitute trinkets for quality time and a true validation of our daughter's worth.

Princesses have long been a fixture in the psyches of little girls. But the marketing machine has gone into overdrive, cranking out pink fluff in record numbers.

Innocence is a difficult thing to preserve in our culture. So is self-esteem. So why not surround your daughter with every possible luxury and lock her in a metaphorical tower of benign self-indulgence? What harm can come of that?

No harm, really, so long as we do not offer our daughters the trappings of royalty without endowing them with any real dignity. We shortchange our daughters when we sell them princess-hood without letting them know their full potential—to become queens. Princesses sit around, waiting to be rescued. Queens act. They make sound judgments and trust their ability to lead.

So how do you raise a queen in princess-obsessed culture?

1.) Tell her she’s loved.
2.) Tell her she’s smart.
3.) Tell her she’s beautiful.

Tell her these things in this order and in this proportion.

Reminding your daughter she’s loved—again and again—establishes a support base of unconditional, unmerited affection. She has nothing to prove. She knows she is loved … absolutely.

Whether or not your daughter is book-smart, affirming her core intelligence and competency is also essential to building confidence. For your daughter to truly become a queen, she must be convinced not only of her innate worth, but also of her ability to take action and make sound judgments. In a society that still provides little acknowledgment of female intellect and competency, your daughter will be looking for yours. Be sure she finds it.

For whatever reasons, the drive—both from within and without—to be beautiful is a powerful one among females. Rather than pretending that personal and cultural pressures to be beautiful don’t exist, be sure your daughter knows that she is beautiful. Whatever particular form her beauty takes, it is there. If you can find it and affirm it, chances are she will too. In a culture filled with highly sexualized and “enhanced” images of women, girls need these affirmations more than ever.

Healthy expressions of physical affection—ideally from both parents—also safeguard against distortions of self-worth and sexuality.

Many children have been spoiled by an excess of possessions. Few have been spoiled by an excess of quality time, affection or sincere affirmation. So go ahead, indulge your daughter … in the things that matter most. And next time your daughter begs for a pretty, pretty princess, make sure she understands what else is available to her. She may be your little princess, but she is becoming a queen. And that is where her true worth lies.