With images of Elyse Keaton and Clair Huxtable dancing in their heads, many moms set out to take on the role of Supermom. Supermom is part stay-at-home goddess, part corporate hero, and she's poised to tackle the roles of wife, mother, and employee.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to have it all, except for the fact that you have to do it all, and that's difficult. A great strategy for coping with Supermom Syndrome is your husband. You're a team, and he can help! He may not cook like you do, parent like you do, or even bake cupcakes, but the two of you are a team, and with teamwork, you can be superparents.
Taming Supermom Syndrome
So what do you do if you are working and you don't want to sacrifice your family? Below are some tips for taming Supermom Syndrome:
Prioritize Your Workload
You have four areas that need your attention every day: your job, your husband, your kids, and you. Make a list of all of the things you need to do, then circle the most important tasks in each category. Try to delegate work to others—it's very important to have a support system. Maybe you can carpool with another family, have a neighbor watch the kids while you run errands, or trade off cooking and cleaning with your husband. You need to do the things that only you can do. For example, no one else can date your husband!
Make a Difference
This goes hand-in-hand with prioritizing your workload. When you're trying to decide which jobs you can do today, ask yourself which ones will make a difference a year or two from now. Things like reading to your kids, spending time with your spouse, and taking care of yourself will reap benefits for years to come. Cleaning the sink, putting sprinkles on cupcakes, and finding the perfect princess wand won't. Although these things still need to be done, they are things you can get help to accomplish. Talk with your spouse about how the two of you can work together to get everything done. You need to prioritize and work together.
Keep Guilt to a Minimum
Working moms balance feelings of pride and accomplishment with guilt. And while guilt is unavoidable, there are things you can do to keep guilt from taking over your life. For starters, don't spoil your kids to help assuage your guilty feelings over a missed Halloween party. While candy, dinners, and toys will make the kids (and you!) feel better for a while, the underlying issues remain, and they promise to be back. Guilt keeps you honest and on your toes, but you shouldn't let it consume you. This is something you need to talk to your spouse about. Help him understand why you feel guilty. As you talk about this and problem solve together, you'll decide as a team how to balance your lives. You may not come up with the perfect solution the first time and have to try other options, but at least you can minimize the guilt by coming up with a plan together.
Take Care of Your Relationship and Yourself
If you're feeling guilty about putting your kids ahead of your job or your job ahead of your kids, you may be tempted to give up time for your spouse or yourself to make more room. Don't. If you don't take care of yourself and your relationship—eat, sleep, exercise, go on dates—you'll be hungry, miserable, and wondering where your spouse is, and you won't be much good to anyone. Making time for yourself may be as simple as setting aside a half an hour after the kids go to bed to read or watch TV or planning a date night once a month where a trusted friend or family member watches the kids and you go for a walk or out for dinner. Every day doesn't have to be a race to the end of the to-do list. Set aside some regular time to just hang loose and do the bare minimum. Order dinner in, close the door to the laundry room, and throw a movie in for the whole family to enjoy.
Know When to Say No
It's easy to get wrapped up in the excitement of taking on a new task or project and forget the costs and ramifications that might follow. Communicate with your spouse to see if he shares your enthusiasm. It's easier to delegate to someone who's on board than someone who's resentful. It's okay to say "no" or "I don't think so" to tasks and responsibilities that will compromise your time and your relationships.
Conclusion
Set high goals for yourself in your role as mom, but don't let those goals turn you into a miserable perfectionist. Focus on what's really important to you, your family, and your career, and feel free to let everything else take a backseat. Remember that you and your spouse are a team—you shouldn't have to do it all—but unless you and your husband communicate clearly about expectations, roles, and responsibilities, you can feel like it's all on you. Take the time to plan in advance and ask for help.
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